So it’s took me a little time to write this post and this is the umpteenth revision, but it’s definitely a post I wanted to write before Baby Sims 2 arrives and as I’m still waiting at 9 days overdue I thought I best get it finally published. So here goes!
As this is my second pregnancy I seemed to have a different approach to all the appointments that come your way. Well we knew what to expect from the first time around right? Unlike last time where I counted down to each appointment, and was quite anxious for each event, I took the midwife appointment, 12 week scan and 20 week scan in my stride – it was all just part of the journey. Until that day when I felt like my whole world fell apart.
It was an 9.00 Monday morning appointment in early March for our 20 week scan and we were all ready to see our growing little baby, and had decided to keep the flavour of our new addition a surprise. We were with the sonographer for quite a while, trying various positions and movements, as she was struggling to see the face and heart. We even went for a walk down to the hospital bakery in the hope 3 flights of stairs would wake baby up and it would move and cooperate. On returning to the diagnostics unit, we were ushered into a different room with a different sonographer … ooh I joked, “Are you our good luck charm”? As I lay with my 5th application of the gel on my tummy, she calmly turned to me and said …. your baby has a cleft lip.
My world and images of a perfect healthy baby crumpled around me and I felt sick, hot and unable to believe what I was hearing. As the tears welled up inside me, she went on to explain it was unilateral (on one side of baby’s lip) and that we would be referred to Birmingham Women’s Hospital for further diagnosis.
I didn’t cope with hearing the news very well, feeling very nauseous and faint. I felt I couldn’t breathe, all I wanted was fresh air and to be out of there. But before that, I made the decision I needed to know if it was a boy or girl, I needed something else to focus on. Back on the bed and the sonographer applied another load of gel and told us … we were having a boy!
Then, as we left the unit, I was hanging onto hubby’s arm for support, legs like jelly. The next thing I knew I woke up on a seat in the corridor, surrounded by doctors and my hubby. It appears my body didn’t want to deal with the news and shut down in a fit. After a couple of hours in the delivery suite (the very same room I gave birth to Little Miss Chief in!!) being monitored, we finally left the hospital and headed home.
I felt tired, drained and unable to understand why this had to happen to us? Having been told not to google Cleft lip for fear of scaring myself, my mind was still filled with images of Third World children with deformed faces. Hubby rang the news through to close family members as I couldn’t bare to talk about it.
As I lay in bed that night, with everything whirring round my head, I felt the very first baby movement. The tears flowed as I realised it was his way of letting me know we will be ok, and that he needs me to be strong and not worry! Ok son, I’ll do my best!